tis_a_conspiracy's Xanga

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Tue, 26 Jun 2007 01:46:00 GMT

summer gets monotonous as soon as july starts to set in
time for something new

Friday, June 22, 2007

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 13:33:09 GMT

excellent. xanga's back and still running.
everyone's been so upbeat for the summer. if i could just have an ounce of their energy to get out and do more.
its hard enough getting out of bed and just move into the next room. its not laziness...i know its not.
so what is it? sure i was sad for awhile...really sad but can that still be affecting me?
everybody says stuff like you can't let things get to you but come on....whatever things they might be they're always going to get to you. its just how it goes.

im just not used to being forgotten.
and im not used to being put out...brushed off...pushed aside for a little while.
im just not. truth is... no matter how much you stay busy your mind still runs those "things" through your mind
and all you can really do is just sit and wait for everything to be done processing and for everything to be forgotten.

they say patience is a virtue. but right now? its really just a pain in the ass.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Sun, 17 Dec 2006 23:15:46 GMT

i fear that xanga has died

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Sun, 12 Nov 2006 15:19:49 GMT

let's go to san francisco

Friday, November 10, 2006

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 01:17:24 GMT

i feel like i should feel shallow
that im suppose to feel awful for what i've done
and i assure you i do
.........................................
i had a reason
it was a good reason
but i dont like to be alone.
i couldnt stay alone...not after how long its been
..........................................
it should snow
autumn is suppose to wash away
the white powder is suppose to sweep over
and cover everything. take away everything
to rest in it
to play in it
to be in it
aye...it should snow.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 00:09:40 GMT

i've got this thing for the eighties
i've got this thing for wanting to turn back time

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 03:36:44 GMT

man...i dont like this one very much.

hmm...calvin kelin and sugar wine
*gasp*

sugar wine- an intoxicatingly sweet drink produced by the human mind.

so basically...its all about the moment? and what your mind is thinking?
your water could become your sugar wine? your next kiss could taste like sugar wine?
the next cup of tea? sugar wine. i'm going to like sugar wine.

keep me here
in this state of mind
where i find
no time
to be running out

let me sleep
and with a dream
let me seem
to stream
through the nightmares

dont let me go
please not there
and not where
i scare
away potential kindness

let me stay here
where i breathe
and can heave
or wreathe
my time
where i can scare
or tear
and bear
my nightmares
so i wont flee
and not be
well...thee
and your unkindess

Friday, October 27, 2006

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 00:35:49 GMT

there's a youth writer's award
the bennington something...

if i can..i think i'll enter three of my poems
i dont know what it is
i never wanted to complete my pieces until now

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 09:55:36 GMT

i saw a dog get hit by a car last monday
i had met the black mutt just seconds before its accident
he was chasing a car. he didnt know any better
but that green truck didnt care. he didnt want to stop.
he was late for work. he was late for school. he was in a hurry.
such a hurry that the black dog went under his tires in a manner of seconds
i froze at the gas station, with my hand clasped over my mouth.
its leg was broken. im sure many bones were broken
and it ran over the hill
i told myself i should have run over the hill and try to find it
and i envisioned myself being hit by a car
i told myself i should have driven down the street near the hill
and knock on doors to find its owners
and i envisioned them not even caring
i told myself i should have called someone...a shelter...a number
something
and i envisioned the person on the other line laughing at me

i should have done something
people tell me that i couldn't have done anything
but you know...i was in a such a hurry
i hope he's okay..

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 13:51:18 GMT

the day after is the hardest
like a morning after pill
the same chills
no thrills
just plunge through you
and the nights are the worst
like a night spent alone
the same despair
its not fair
that is all has to hurt so

at least i had the sun.
had it of rained the day for everyone
could have been much worse

please let autumn come
i need my leaves to fall
so i can lie in the piles they make
and pretend to slumber